Monday, December 19, 2005

Stable Partemple's Urban Pottage

number one in a series of bulb

Geoffrey Palmer tried to sell me a cellphone the other day. I heard him, snuffling away in the lounge, muttering in a matter-of-fact and terribly reassuring way about LG's new flip-phone. I immediately put the kettle on and sought out our most wartime teapot.

I can imagine Geoffrey calling Dame Judi on his slender handset, hoping against hope to catch her, dripping, as she emerges from the shower. His gnarled, Shakespearian hands calloused against the smooth buttons, wiping grease smears from the camera lens, cradling its industry-breakthrough thinness (for a 3G phone; as of writing).

He is our relic, Geoffrey. He is our WWII romance, our voice of reason. If he can handle such a handset, then surely so can we? The ticking cocoa of his intonation beguiles us... yes, the world is fast and bright and demanding, it says, but this mobile transcends such blather (and Geoffrey would undoubtedly use such a word). Ease it into your pocket and, for all its microchipped intelligence, its predictive video calling downloads, you could just as easily forget that it is there.

Stable Partemple is a futurology consultant at the Institute of Modern Now, London. He has published many articles and books, most recently "Shavings of the Culture Truffle" with Simon Schama


At 2:51 pm, Blogger MikeMK said...

By hook or by crook I'll be first in your book. Or rather, by hook or by crog I'll be first in your blog.

Good luck Chris, and long may you continue to entertain us.

At 2:51 pm, Anonymous Spunky said...

What a load of shit!

I pick my feedback with care. I hope you can see that I laboured over that one.

What a load of shit!

At 4:22 pm, Blogger Chris said...

Aw, shucks, thanks 'spunky'. I appreciate you stopping by. If only you'd left an address for your own blog or site, so that I could glean further constructive criticism from your work.

At 11:17 am, Anonymous spunky said...

I don't have a blog or a site or any self-published internet 'work'. I don't automatically assume that every stupid stream-of-consciousness load of wank I hammer into the internet is worth putting online for the whole world to read (these comments aside).

I'm very happy to add any further constructive criticism as necessary, though.

At 9:47 pm, Blogger Chris said...

Thankfully this is a personal site, and not required reading for anybody. There's no need for anyone to pay it attention, it's not part of any curriculum and it certainly isn't demanded that you come back again. Perhaps you'd be happier somewhere less personal, then, like or

At 10:18 pm, Anonymous Cameron said...

(these comments aside)

that very comment in and of itself is so very telling. while you may not own any space on the internet, the same urge that motivates someone else to hammer away 'a bunch of stream-of-consciousness load of wank' is the same urge that propels you to snoop around other people's sites and leave worthless but arrogant comments. everyone is self-indulgent. it's just that some of us are healthy and well-adjusted enough to admit it.
so why don't you drop your jaded, cynical, oh-so-chic self-consciousness about your own ego and get with the programme, spunky. or, don't: it reminds me not to take for granted how content i am with myself.


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