Monday, June 05, 2006

The Mane Event

Horse-riders, young girls and lesbians all over the world are waking today to the frightening news that the Ministry of Defense, the UK governments chief weapon in the fight against not having a ministry that would deal with defense, is sending to the skies a fleet of sky-horses. The existence of the steeds, which are believed to number in the hundreds, was leaked in a poorly written story by Grampian TV:

"The Ministry of Defence and the British Horse Society may seem at first to be an unusual partnership, but it is a partnership which is borne out of a desire for safety"

Silent, sturdy, and low-maintanance in comparison to the current fleet of spy-planes and UAVs, sky-horses are believed to be the latest two-fingered salute to "electronics boffins" who, in this dull and over-egged travesty of a report by The Australian, are credited with mindfucking Air Traffic Control systems using a pottage of wires, transponders and less-than-Christian attitudes.

Dick Smith, notorious salesman, practical joker and show-off pilot, released this gusty quote from his newsbuttocks:

"As we all know, criminals create viruses for computer networks which have cost the world hundreds of millions of dollars"

It is difficult to fathom which brain-cell collided with the microphone in this case, and experts around the country are attempting to ascertain just what the deep-fried douchetramp Dicky is rambling on about. Smith himself was unavailable for further comment.

When challenged like a cheap whore with doubts surrounding the effectiveness of illuminated flying ponies, Bill Semple, Chief Executive of Air Traffic Control, is believed to have sucked his thumb and looked distant. In a 1997, unconnected interview he made this statement:

"The minimum we got down to was two ... I think with the benefit of hindsight we might have done more earlier"

It's difficult not to see simpleton Semple as the bad-guy here, and to be sodding honest I wouldn't dissuade you. Not that you'd take much dissuading, you slack-thighed numpty.

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