Dante's Handcart

Beanz Meanz Familiez

Freshly gurgling from the news that Heinz are preparing to launch pre-packed Beans on in Toast on an unsuspecting, undesiring public, those wholesome souls at The Guardian have whored their dictaphone around various head-chefs for a "who cares" soundbite. The Dante's Handcart award for Greatest Over-Reaching-Reaction on the Part of a So-Called Professional goes to the dismayingly named Skye Gyngell of the Petersham Nurseries Café. Skye, pictured just over there (gurning like a freshly-gutted salmon), came out with this juicy little nugget:

"I find this sort of thing awful - dumbing down food to that level. I think it's so disconnecting. It disconnects families. It disconnects communities. Everything now is so fast - we all demand things instantly, from instant internet access to instant food. Things like this have far-reaching effects. When everybody has to have everything instantly, where is the family? Where is sitting down and talking to each other? Where is preparing food together - even washing up together?"

The winner of Time Out London's Best Alfresco Dining 2005 obviously hasn't taken a look at pages 475-476 of the Spring/Summer Argos catalogue, else she would've seen the latest in four-slot toasters. These beauties, each glistening with variable browning controls and, in many cases, real chrome highlights, allow a family of four (or five if one family member is a staunch anorexic) to gather together and communally prepare delicious Heinz snacks.

It's tricksy to discover the average length of the modern "family meal" but few of you bitches would deny, I'd wager, that in today's hectic world such moments of togetherness are shrinking as rapidly as an elderly man's withered genitals. Is it not a super idea to fast-stream group meal preparation, leaving more time to discuss text messaging, pre-teen pregnancy and the rising number of homosexual death squads roaming the streets? I think it sodding is.

posted by Chris @ 4:42 pm